Suicide

 

There are only few people in this world ,
who can truly understand what goes in the mind of someone who is just about to end their life !

when people hear about a person who committed suicide ,
they feel sorry for them even more than someone who died in normal conditions ,
Because deep down , we all know ,
that it take so much pain to make someone want to kill themselves ,
because those who do that , don't want to end their lives ,,
they want to end their pain ...

some people say that it's a cowardly act ,
& some people say it takes a lot of courage to end your own life !!

But does it really matter ??
because like I said before , you won't understand unless you've been there ..
in that place where every thing is dark,,
where u can't find any hope , 
& you can't see a single good thing about you & your life..

it's a really scary place to be in,
nobody knows what it feels like to have no will to live ,
when you can't find any reason to stay alive ,
so all you want to do is to go away ,
away from the darkness ,
& the unbearable pain you feel all the time ..

& what hurts even more ,
is that nothing can stop this pain ,
No matter how hard you try ,
No matter how others try ,
you see yourself standing in the same spot ..

& you can't take it any more ,
because with every second , the pain gets bigger ,
& you hate your self & your life even more ,

so the only thing you think about in the middle of all of this ,
is that you want it to STOP ,
& the only way to stop it ,
is to STOP Breathing !.....

& that's it ,
you hold on to that "desperate" solution ,
& you decide to end your precious life ,
because it's not a life any more ..

even after reading this ,
I'm sure you wouldn't understand ...

I have been there a few years ago ,
it was the hardest time of my life,
I knew there was something wrong with me ,
There must be something wrong when you can't find a reason to want to live !!

I thought about ending my life (أستغفر الله العظيم) ,
I remember standing on the roof ,
& telling myself that it takes only a jump !!! & it will stop ...
I used to wonder in the same time , what would it feel like ,
what would happen If I did it ..



 
But it was Nothing serious though ,
until one day ;
my family went out ,
& I was home alone ,
& I remember the moment I closed the door after they left ,

I actually thought (for a second) ,
I seriously thought about taking that chance ,
& "KILLING MY SELF" !!! while they were out ,
It only lasted for a second , But for the first time of my life ,
I felt afraid of my self !! for just thinking about it ...

Believe me , it's the worst thing that you can ever feel or think about ,,
because you know that you're about to fall , you're about to do the most horrible thing ,
& there's absolutely NO ONE to help or to convince you do otherwise ..

I had only god ( & I'll always have him ) ,
it's true that I was in pain ,
& was ready to do anything to stop it ,
But my Faith kept me from it ..
I couldn't do it , because I know that the consequences would be much worse !

I couldn't do it because of my parents ,
because I knew that it would destroy them ...
I couldn't do it because deep down I Believed ( & I still Believe ) ;
that when god puts me trough tough things ,
he's testing me...

thank GOD I didn't do it ,
please forgive me god for thinking about it ...


أستغفر الله العظيم
والحمد لله رب العالمين


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