"A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life"

Reading that Quote , Brought a lot of things to my mind , & it reminded my of my childhood ..
it's a very deep thing to say , Not every one can understand it ,
& only few people know it's True !

people like me ..

I didn't have the Best childhood ,
I was such an angry , sad , lonely , miserable little girl ..
I remember there was lots of things that could really show that there was something wrong with me !
I was selfish , I used to lie & steel & get my self in all kinds of problems ,
every one hated me , & I hated everybody , But mostly ; I hated my self ..!

u know how mean kids can Be , Because they're too young to understand what does mean to respect others feelings ,,
But , unfortunately , Ur Never too young for having a Broken heart ...

& that's what I was , a lonely little girl with a Broken heart ..
& when I remember those days , I feel terribly sorry for that little girl I was ,
& I think its really AMAZING that I could get trough all of that ..

u may wonder why ?? what can possibly make an innocent child like that ,
well , it all started at kinder garden ,I think I was 5 years old , when my mum did the most terrible thing to me ,,
she decided to cut my hair !!
I had a long hair But it was very tough , & she got tired of Brushing it ..
so she choosed to take it off !

I still remember that day , even though it has Been so long ,,
my mum Brought a woman who's a hair dresser I guess to our house to do it ,
I was crying so Bad , I still remember how awful thet feeling was ,,
But Nobody cared ,, Because for them I was just a kid crying for Nothing & I'll forget about it any way ,,
But I wasn't crying for Nothing , & I still remember it ,

u see , the women cut all my hair , she made me look like a Boy !
I Basically spent the half of my childhood looking like a Boy , & it was the hardest thing that any one can go through ...

when she did that , she Broke a part of me , she killed my self confidence ,
she turned to someone I wasn't supposed to Be ..

I still remember those little parties we used to do at kinder garden , 
when all the girls used to wear Beautiful close with their hair done & every thing ,
& me , I used to look at them , & all I wanted is to look like them ,& feel like them !
But instead , I was standing there looking like a Boy ,,
& it's all Because my mum decided to make me look like that ,

But she didn't have the right to control my life in a such cruel way !

I used to cry Before sleeping almost every day !
can u Imagine that ??!a little girl who hasn't turned 10 yet , cries alone every Night !
& I really don't know how I could get trough that without Becoming a "Bad person";
it's true that I was mean & evil as a child , Because of all the anger I kept inside ,
But it didn't last , & sometimes I wish it did !!!

everything started getting Better when I went to the 4th grade ,
when my hair started getting longer !
in the 4th , 5th & 6th grade, I had friends ,
& I was getting Back my self esteem ,
I wasn't that pathetic person any more ,& things only got better when I went to middle school ,
I met New people , New friends ,I've Became popular !people wanted to Be friends with me & they talked about me ,
& I liked that !
actually , that's another story , I'll talk about it later

the important thing is that what happened to me in my childhood effected me ,
I had a tough childhood , I wasn't happy or living my life like every kid in my age ,
& Now , I always feel like I'm Way older than how old I really am !
I can't say if I'm strong or not , But I've Been trough a LOT ,& like they say ;
what doesn't kill u makes u stronger ..

I'm a sensitive person , I can feel others pain ,
people can talk to me about their problems without worrying about me Not understanding .. 
& the most important thing , I have a lot of love to share ,
& I want to give it especially to my future kids ! who I already decided how I'm gonna raise them, (& that's also another story I'll leave it for later ..)

my mother made a decision , that led to terrible consequences ,

so I think that's a good thing , it's a good thing to be mature , sensitive & understanding ..
othe than being shallow or someone that can only laugh with u
& Be next to u at the happy moments , & then he leaves at the Bad times ,
Because he has Never learned how to deal with them or how to show compassion to a sad person !!
although sometimes I say that I would Never forgive my mum Because of all the Bad things that happened t me ,

But , If I didn't go through all of that , I wouldn't Become the person I am today ,,
so I guess somehow I have to thank her !!!

that's all :) !


Post a Comment